GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS

THE NEFF ZONE -- BY JIM NEFF

CADILLAC NEWS -- MARCH 2, 2019

News is a tricky thing. What is good news to someone could be bad news to someone else. In other words, news can be good and bad all at the same time. So, buckle your chin straps, keep your hands inside the ride at all times, and (in the words of legendary Detroit Lions broadcaster Van Patrick) “hang onto your Stroh's.” I have some news for you. 

To begin, I have some good news. Michigan is not number one. This may seem to be a downer for our state, but the category is “Most Sinful States in America,” so being number one is actually bad news.

In an analysis of all 50 states, WalletHub.com quantified seven human vices — jealousy, anger, vanity, laziness, lust, greed and excess. The good news is Michigan did not finish number one. The bad news is that only eight states in the country are more sinful than we are. The Top Ten Most Sinful States are: Nevada, Florida, California, Texas, Tennessee, Louisiana, Georgia, Illinois, Michigan, and Arizona. The least sinful state is Vermont. 

Here's how our state scored in each vice: Envy (6), Anger (10), Laziness (15), Pride (14), Lust (27), Greed (42), and Gluttony (22).  The entire state-by-state breakdown is at: https://wallethub.com/edu/most-sinful-states/46852/.

WalletHub.com also did an analysis of the Most Sinful Cities in America. Michigan fared a bit better with only two Michigan cities making the most sinful 182. The Top ten were: Las Vegas, Los Angeles, New York, Houston, St. Louis, Atlanta, Miami, Philadelphia, Chicago, and Orlando. South Burlington, Vermont was the least sinful city in the country. For Michigan, Detroit finished at 12 and Grand Rapids was 117. A sin city interactive graphic is at: https://wallethub.com/edu/most-sinful-cities-in-america/29846/. 

For the kidlings in the audience, I have some good news and bad news. The good news is that the going rate for the Tooth Fairy payout for a lost tooth is now $3.70. The bad news is that this is 43 cents lower than last year. 

It gets worse for Michigan kids because the Midwest is the most miserly section of the country. According to the Original Tooth Fairy Poll sponsored by Delta Dental, the Tooth Fairy’s average cash gift is just $2.97 in the Midwest. In the West it's $4.19, the South pays $3.91, and the Northeast forks over $3.75. A Tooth Fairy Index is at: http://www.theoriginaltoothfairypoll.com/news-release-parent/. 

On the other end of the age spectrum, I have some bad news and good news for senior citizens. The bad news is that all of us are aging and no one has figured out how to stop the march of time. The good news is that a senior in Texas may have a plan to live your golden years in style. 

“Terry Robison's retirement strategy is to stay at multiple hotels (in a national chain) to save money, get better service and see the world. While the average nursing home costs $188 per day, Robinson says reservations at the hotel chain (he chose) cost $59.23 per night with both a long-term stay and senior discount. Factor in free breakfast and happy hour and Robison calculated that would leave $128.77 a day for food and entertainment.” Now add in a spa, swimming pool, workout room, laundry room, complimentary shampoo, soap, toothpaste and razors. Plus, Robinson says: "They treat you like a customer, not a patient. Hotel staff will fix any issues from light bulbs to mattresses and apologize for the inconvenience. A night security guard will keep watch and a maid will check in daily. And, the staff will call an ambulance or the undertakertaker if anything goes wrong.” (https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2019/02/25/holiday-inn-nursing-home-man-plan-golden-age/2986566002/)

With spring right around the corner, the thoughts of sports fans may be turning to baseball. I have some good news and bad news for baseball fans. The good news is that baseball is instituting several new strategies to speed up the game. The bad news is that no one can predict a delay in a game due to weather or unforeseen natural phenomena. Like, for example, a delay due to fish on the field.

“Have you ever seen a baseball game delayed by fish falling out of the sky? It happened Saturday during the eighth inning of a game between Jacksonville State and Jacksonville University. An osprey flying over Jacksonville's John Sessions Stadium with a fish in its claws was harassed by a bald eagle, causing the osprey to drop its prey onto the grass in shallow right field. A Twitter post by the team said: 'FISH DELAY - An Osprey just flew over John Sessions with a fish in his claws, but was threatened by a pursuing bald eagle, causing the osprey to drop the fish behind second base (Error).'”

You can see a video of this at: https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/college/baseball/2019/02/24/college-baseball-jacksonville-fish-osprey-eagle/2971504002/. 

Finally, some good news and bad news for fans of the Detroit Tigers. Well, actually there is no good news. However, there is a good question. We all know that the highest paid player this year will be Miguel Cabrera at $30 million. But do you know who the fifth highest paid player on the payroll will be this season? The bad news is it's Prince Fielder to whom the Tigers will pay $6 million. Fielder has not played for the Tigers since 2013 and retired from baseball in 2016. This brings new meaning to a famous line by Tigers' broadcaster the late Ernie Harwell: “He stood there like the house by the side of the road.” 

Jim Neff is a local columnist. Read Neff Zone columns online at CadillacNews.com and NeffZone.com/cadillacnews. 

Most Sinful States in America

(Touch a state to see its ranking.)