THE NEFF ZONE -- BY JIM NEFF

CADILLAC NEWS -- MARCH 22, 2025

Well kidlings, it's time for another round of "You Can't Make Up This Stuff," the game based on my brother Big Rob's theory that reality is stranger than any fiction. As usual, we begin with news from Rob's stomping grounds of Flint.  

Big Rob and I are at the age where vestiges from our youth are fading away. One of these is the Southmoor golf course in Burton (just south of the Flint city limits). It was a nifty nine hole layout, but the course closed five years ago. Now the clubhouse is being demolished to make way for the land to be used for other purposes. (https://www.mlive.com/news/flint/2025/03/officials-discussing-potential-demolition-of-southmoor-golf-club-in-burton.html)

For golfers in Flint, Southmoor had a totally unique feature. The fairways and greens were illuminated by huge lights on poles, so you could play in the middle of the night. Darkness didn't matter. If a factory worker ended a shift at midnight and wanted to shoot nine, Southmoor was open for play. It was a cool experience that is no more. 

Moving on to other news from the sports world, there has been a big error regarding baseball caps. “Some of the hats in the just-launched lineup of New Era Major League Baseball caps have accidentally become collector's items – because they can be read as being naughty.” This is a family newspaper, so you'll have to view these at: https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/mlb/2025/03/13/mlb-new-era-baseball-hats-ebay/82378222007/. 

You can no longer buy these at an official store. However, you can get the vulgar hats for a price. “Some of these, let's call them retracted collectibles, apparently were sold to buyers before they were yanked off the shelves and, of course, they are up for sale on eBay.” The catch is that the cost is around $800 per cap. 

Wearing a cap is one way to protect your eyes from the sun. Another way to soothe eyes is the use of eye drops. If you choose this route, be careful. “Doctors are urging eye drop users to read labels carefully after noting an uptick in cases of people accidentally putting glue into their eyes. Medical practitioners have noticed it has become surprisingly common for people to mistake nail glue or lash glue for eye drops.” (https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2025/03/12/eye-drops-nail-glue-UCHealth/9011741801710/)

It's actually pretty easy to make this mistake. “Nail and lash glues, as well as several other products, can sometimes come in bottles that closely resemble eye drop containers.” Beware, because ungluing your eyes is probably not pleasant. 

Speaking of unpleasant things, there's a job where “pleasant” is a relative term. “Human pet-food testers have a job that inspires a certain degree of stomach-churning but nevertheless provides a valuable service.”

The bad news is that you have to physically sample the pet food. “Obviously, the products need to be taken into the mouth for tasting, and while some testers claim to actually enjoy eating the food, most simply spit it out after chewing for several seconds. It’s more important to differentiate between mouthfuls of gravy chicken chunks from plates A and B.”

The good news is that the career choice apparently has high levels of job satisfaction.  "No two days are ever the same. And the pay isn't too shabby, either, with reports of a salary that can soar to over $100K.” (https://interestingfacts.com/fact/pet-food-companies-employ-human-taste-testers/)

If eating pet food sounds good to you, perhaps on your next trip to Sweden you'd enjoy a visit to the Disgusting Food Museum in Malmo. “Upon entering the Disgusting Food Museum, you’re given three things: a barf bag, a bingo card, and a challenge. Your senses and gag reflex are immediately put to the test. A chalkboard vomit counter indicates how many days it’s been since a guest last lost their lunch.” (https://www.foodandwine.com/disgusting-food-museum-11696334)

What a way to spend your day! “If you can stomach it, you’re offered the opportunity to sample a rotating menu of oddities to mark off on your bingo card.” These include things like: durian fruit, fermented shark, salty licorice, seal carcass, stinky tofu, and an assortment of crunchy insects. One visitor noted: “Our tasting ended with a hot sauce that is so dastardly you actually had to sign a waiver before sampling a pin prick of the liquid.” Makes eating pet food seem like gourmet dining, eh? 

Finally, if you're a resident of a local city, spelling your town's name is usually easy. If you live in Cadillac, for instance, you can tell people it's spelled just like the automobile. 

There are some places in Europe, though, that are a bit more of a challenge. Imagine if you had to tell someone that your town is  Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. This is is located in Wales. It translates to: “The church of St Mary at the pool of the white hazels near the fierce whirlpool and the church of St Tysilio of the red cave.”

Brilliant Maps says this is a 58-letter mouthful. It tops thirteen other locales in the long name derby at: https://brilliantmaps.com/map-of-the-longest-place-names-in-europe/. When residents fill out a form, it must be a challenge to fit their town's name into one of those little boxes. 

Jim Neff is a local columnist. Read Neff Zone columns online at CadillacNews.com and NeffZone.com/cadillacnews.